Gratitude - Day 10

Today I am grateful that Hania is adjusting to the play room at the gym. Seriously. I thought I was going to lose my mind, continually dropping her off so she could cry pitifully for 45 minutes, while I did a half-hearted workout feeling extremely guilty. Do most parents cry on the treadmill? No? Um, okay.

Somehow, it clicked this week and she is good to go! No tears! Not even one! I'm grateful that my last excuse for not working out has been stripped away. The pool will be open soon and running after a toddler near water doesn't leave you much time or opportunity to obsess over cellulite or jiggly parts, thankfully. But just in case, I'll hit the gym!

I'm signing off for a week or so due to computer issues, but by the time I'm back online I will have:
had a visit from my parents
driven Keira to her new home, and met her lovely new family
successfully (I hope) driven 11 hrs with Hania by myself
given thanks to God for portable DVD players & Laurie Berkner cds
purged the house of all rummage for a big sale
reorganized all of our pics on the computer
spent more time at the library story time, Gymboree, and local parks than I care to add up

Wishing you a fabulous week filled with opportunities for gratitude!

Gratitude - Day 9

Grateful for friends and neighbors that are willing to listen without judgment. I am always hesitant to reach out, but usually find that people are more understanding that you would imagine. I wish that everyone could have the experience of such wonderful neighbors, b0th past and present.

Gratitude - Day 8

Hania - 2009

Missy - 1977

Today I am grateful that I can see a bit of myself in my daughter. She is a more perfect version of her parents, who are quite imperfect. I cannot wait to see how her personality develops. She is a strong-willed but quiet child, who prefers to sit back and observe a scenario before she rushes into anything. We often stay for 2 story times at the library because she uses the entire first one to settle into her surroundings. Once she is comfortable in her environment she is ON! Talkative, boisterous, verging on bossy, focused and not easily distracted when she sets her mind on something.
And do you see the crazy bruises on her legs? Yep. Just like Mama, all throughout childhood and even today!

Gratitude - Day 7

Grateful that every day is a new chance to start over with a fresh perspective.
Grateful for the warm weather and a chance to spend time outdoors this weekend in the sun. A little color in your cheeks makes anything better.
Grateful for the simple pleasure of digging tons of stuff out of my closets and basement for a garage sale!

Gratitude - Day 7

I am simply grateful to have made it through this day. It was challenging, to say the least. Hania was awesome and entertained herself quite easily with the U-haul ramp and dandelions in the yard. Grateful that I can be true to myself, even during times when I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. The sense of calm is still here. I wonder how long that will last...

Gratitude - Day 6

I am grateful - no, ELATED!!!! - that we found a great home for Keira! In Texarkana! With someone who knows everything about Shepherds and has raised them her entire life! And she will still be able to be an indoor dog and sleep on their bed! These folks don't freak out over her high energy, they embrace it as a Shepherd trait, and they are willing to work with any of her behavioral issues! They do not have cats and Keira will be able to live the rest of her life without irritated eyes and itchy feet! Plus, they live very close to my parents and we will be able to check on her a visit her! A very difficult, but responsible, decision to make. Can you tell I'm thrilled? What, did the exclaimation points give it away? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gratitude - Day 5

Just a gratuitous picture of the cutie-pie at the horse races - Keeneland on 4/5.
Today I am grateful for an open window. As in, God opens windows when he seems to be slamming a door. Yep, he is surely slamming that door and unfortunately it is swinging shut so quickly that both my hand AND a random cat got caught in the middle! Ouch.

My first meeting as a board member at Fern Creek Highview United Ministries was exactly the window that I did not realize that I needed.

I was asked to be the volunteer church representative because it was a good fit, given my work experience and interest in local social services. My initial reaction was "oh great, another activity that I'll have to juggle, arrange childcare for, why can't I learn to say no, etc." So off I go to the first meeting and I am NOT in the right frame of mind to work on fundraisers and answer personal questions from all of the other representatives, who are older than me by at least two decades and giving me disapproving looks because I accidentally sat in the chair where the director normally sits! Blasphemy!

Then the agency director walked in and I immediately realized that I knew him from somewhere. Then it hit me - this man was the individual that told me about our current church and the ministries back in summer 2005. I was attending a job fair to represent the foster care agency, in the hopes of recruiting foster parents. No one told me that it was a job fair for teens. So... I wandered around the room to familiarize myself with the local agencies and happened upon Fern Creek Highview Ministries. The director was extremely friendly and warm, and we began talking about our family's decision to find a church that would meet all of our needs - me being Presby-catholic and going to a Catholic college, and my husband being a lifelong Lutheran. He suggested St. Stephen's and I tabled that information for later.

Fast forward to January 2007, when we decided to drop in to St. Stephen's one Sunday morning. We had been ignoring the church, despite the fact that it was the obvious choice based on location and we drove past it at least 3 times per day. The welcoming spirit of the folks there simply drew us in. It is not a pretentious place, and does not have a large number in attendance each week, but everyone there is deeply committed to their faith and they were so very nice. Eventually I put it all together that THIS was the church that the agency director had spoken about, and two years later, here we were.

Fast forward to April 2009 when I feel like everything is falling apart around me, but I'm lead to volunteer exactly where I am supposed to be. The director was thrilled when he heard about the result of our conversation back in 2005, and remembered my story and face. This agency does precisely the type of work that lead me to pursue a career in social services, and it was energizing to see the many people that they assist on a daily basis in this economy.

As we prayed before beginning the meeting, I simply told God "I give it up". I'm giving up control. Giving up trying to change the minds that are not open. I will wait patiently and use this time to grow. Apparently the seeds are planted at the right time, but sometimes they take a while to germinate.

When I woke up this morning there was a very different feeling that came over me. Not the typical dread that I experience as I wake up and realize that this is serious, and damnit I just can't do anything about it, so I need to think harder, make a better plan, I WILL CHANGE IT, and on and on. It was unexplainable. It was peaceful. It blew my mind.

Today, I'm thankful for the ability to give up control to God.

Gratitude - Day 4

Today I am grateful for the opportunity to experience holidays and daily activities through the eyes of my daughter. Everything is new to her, which causes you to pause and wonder exactly what she is thinking about. I wonder what she thinks when she sees our funky little handmade egg chandelier (which I plan to leave up for while, thankyouverymuch, because it is fun, and yes I realize Easter is over). Taking the time to slow down and WONDER has been good for the soul. Forcing myself to actually celebrate holidays instead of merely seeing them as "oh crud, this means I'll be receiving more emergency calls because the office is closed and obviously every child is going to have a mental health meltdown at 2am". Thanks, Hania! You are apparently a good influence on your Mama!

Gratitude - Day 3

Today I am grateful for some small, effortless things that are scattered into our complicated lives. Like bulbs. Bulbs don't ask much of you. You don't have to ask much of them (unless you live in the deep South, and then you have to contend with the little shits in your fridge over the winter to trick them into thinking it is freezing, and sometimes you might confuse them with shallots and accidentally put one into your crock pot, but anyway...not that I would ever make that mistake.) Here in Louisville, they are easy. Johnny and I planted these several years ago and they have been a beautiful surprise every spring. Easy. Sometimes we all need a little easy.

Gratitude - Day 2

I am grateful that I am going to come out of this situation with my integrity intact. If nothing else, integrity will give you peace of mind at the end of a painful journey. Integrity is what will allow me to look at my daughter and tell her that Mommy did the absolute best that she could, despite what her pride was telling her to do. I am grateful for friends and family members who have also conducted themselves with integrity, who can act as a compass on the rough seas.

Gratitude - Day 1

Today, I am grateful for this little pig-tailed girl that has changed my life. I am grateful that she has shown me how to slow down a bit, forced me to lower my standards in areas that aren't so important, and raise my standards in the areas that are most important. So grateful.

Happy Valentine's Week!

Yes, that's right. Happy Valentine's WEEK. As in, we have been doing Valentine's Day-related activities all week. Thank you, Hania, for the excuse to celebrate each and every holiday to the fullest extent! Just a quick recap of the activities:

Photo shoot for homemade Valentine's Day cards.
Hania was extremely agreeable to this form of torture.

Hand made Valentine's Day card for Daddy. We had to email pictures of the card to him, since he has run off to central Mexico for 3 weeks. Supposedly he is there for work, but my guess is that he is laying on a beach in Cancun.

One night we braved the new world of arts and crafts with a 16 month old, and it went shockingly well. Hania loved having paint all over her hands, and was happy to wait for me to give her one piece of paper after another to slap her little hand on!

Lovely flowers that Johnny sent to us.

Gift from Mommy & Daddy - her first crayons, markers that only write on a specific type of paper (genius, Crayola!), and two little books.

Oh wow, they actually work!

She picked these two balloons out at the grocery store. The square one is her favorite because it has a bee on it, and she knows that a bee says "buzz". I'm pretty clear on this, as she has told me what a bee says at least 36 times today.

Cutting out heart shapes from jello. Did you know that it is really difficult to eat jello with your hands? I had no idea. Fun, though.
No pictures of the heart shaped coconut cakes with cream cheese icing and heart sprinkles.... but trust me, they were a hit!

A cute video to wrap up our Valentine's Week extravaganza!
My parents sent Hania a package and she ripped through it in record time. She was especially happy to find a stuffed cat in her bag. The cats were especially happy that she can show her affection to this cat instead of to them!
(please excuse the weird narration, I'm on the phone w/ my folks during the video)

Big bang theory

I have a new haircut. This was sort of what I was going for: Kenley from Project Runway Season 5. (Nevermind that she was horrible to my precious Tim Gunn, stay focused on the hair, friends.)

This what I got: My bangs may possibly resemble those of Lloyd from the movie Dumb and Dumber. But at least no one is walking around behind me poking my ears out. (way to be positive, right?)
The girl that cut my hair was very nice, and I think we can chalk this up to a communication error on my part. However, it has been decreed: no photos shall be taken of this mama until they have a little time to recover from the trauma.

Frighteningly enough, they are growing on me. No pun intended. The line between fashion forward and fashion victim is quite tenuous. Or perhaps I'm simply embracing the beautifully imperfect. Sounds good to me!

The baby's baby

Hania has changed so much since the last pictures on the beach at Thanksgiving!
I have some catching up to do, but this video was too funny NOT to post immediately!

She will be 16 months next week, and is picking up words and phrases rapidly. Last weekend she gave me a hug (yes!!! The wild child is learning to be affectionate!) and said "baby baby baby". This is possibly the cutest thing EVER, and most likely she is trying to mimic me because I call her "my baby" when I hug her.

Apparently this now extends to her cat, Crusoe. He is her very tolerant baby. You can hear her say it when she lays her head on him, and at the end she says "bye cat". Do I detect a country accent? How did this happen? Is it a birthright that comes with being born in Kentucky?


We've started saving for his kitty therapy bills. "Cat" was her first word, and it was obvious she was referring to them, although it sounded more like "cock". Which is real cute, until she is screaming "cock" at the top of her lungs at a restaurant and people are snickering. Which encouraged her to yell with even more gusto! Yeah. Good times! How exactly do I put that in her baby book?

For Cousin Courtney

I'm stuck. There are so many things to blog about lately, but I just can't seem to get anything from my head to the keyboard in a coherent sentence. But sometimes you just have to say exactly what comes to mind, and hope that those that matter will look beyond the imperfection of words and phrases.

My husband's first cousin, Courtney Harbaugh, passed away on November 28th at the age of 24. This was an unexpected tragedy. To read about her accident, you can click here.

This photo of us was taken the night before our wedding in March 2004. Courtney looks just gorgeous, radiant, while I'm hamming it up being silly. I have so many other more recent photos of her, but most are from the side or back or in motion, which is true to form given all of her energy.


Courtney, there is so much more that I want to say to you. I'm sure that Johnny would have something far more eloquent to say, but unfortunately I am the more emotional half of this duo, and I'm writing the blog. But you loved that about us, right? The fact that we were so different and still trying to make our marriage work for us.

I can honestly say that I have never met anyone that was so intent on enjoying life, or had such a positive outlook. You wrung every single drop out of the 24 years that you were given on Earth. Court, did you ever have an acquaintance that didn't become a true friend? Seriously? What is this affect that you had on people? You took a lot of chances and made sure that you explored all of your options. How many of us can say the same? Did you have any clue how worried Johnny was when you went to live in the Virgin Islands last summer? Girl... (; I tried to convince him that you were a big girl and would be okay, but I was secretly relieved when we had our convo about how damn lucky we both were to not to end up like Natalie Holloway, given the somewhat irresponsible behavior we'd each had during our college years. It showed me that you knew life was fragile, to be cherished, and I didn't worry so much for you.

Somehow you managed to keep all of us young with your contagious enthusiasm. Just popping in to your grandparent's house to tell us about your most recent adventure, always keeping them in the loop of your exciting life, reassuring them by your presence that they were still needed by the baby of the family. I absolutely fell in love with you early on when you were explaining who Jack Johnson was... you said "you know, he's for MY generation what Dave Matthew's was to YOUR generation". I about fell off my chair! Since when is 7-8 years a generation apart? We laughed about that one for a long time.

On the other hand, you were also wise beyond your years. Always walking a line between family members that were having difficulty, attempting to build a bridge between those that you loved most, and continuing your efforts even when it seemed that they were in vain after so many years. I promise you that I will always try. You know what I mean. It isn't my fight (I'm an "out-law" after all, according to Uncle Bobby!) but I will always extend my heart to both sides because that is what you would want me to do.

Your trust in God was just phenomenal. You didn't banter around His name lightly, you held tightly in your beliefs and I wondered how someone so young had come to have such conviction. I want to have faith like that. Really. But as a Girl Raised in the South would say, HON, this whole taking you to Heaven prematurely thing just isn't helping the cause, okay? So I'm praying for understanding and peace. I'm not sure what the morale of this story would be... a lot of "whys" are stuck in my head, even though I realize that they are not particularly helpful. I'll keep working on that.

Do you know what makes my heart ache the most? The fact that you never had your own family like you'd hoped for. Make no mistake, you mothered everyone and everything - your family members, your dog Paisley, your ever-expanding group of friends, each of your little students. Everyone at Little School seemed to know what a gem they had in you as a teacher AND a friend. It is obvious that teaching was your gift. Watching you interact with a child so patiently was amazing to watch, and the joy in your expression was obvious. When we were texting the week of your accident, you said that you wanted to be there when Hania saw the ocean for the first time. You were there. Maybe not holding her hand, but obviously you told her to be fearless just like you, because she ran straight into that darn water as if she had done it a million times!




Thank you for being a part of our lives here on Earth, cousin Courtney. Johnny and I talked about the best way to honor your beautiful spirit; we decided that being more positive and taking advantage of every opportunity that we're given would be things that you would have done (and things we both need to work on). Personally, I have been looking at Hania and feel even more responsibility to be a patient and kind parent, just as you would have been.
We miss you and love you sweet girl. Talk to you later.

Vintage Halloween

No time set aside for profound blog posts this week, just a 30 minute window of "me time" while Johnny gives Hania a bath and gets her in the jammies before I'm on mommy-duty again so he can study.
But I HAD to post the Halloween pics!

Many of you know that Halloween is my favorite holiday, primarily because of the wonderful childhood memories that I associate with Halloween festivities. Each year my granny and my mom would meticulously craft the Halloween costume of my dreams. They teamed up to combine their sewing and craft talents to provide me with amazing and creative costumes. This was before the days of Halloween stores that pop up each September to provide you with every possible costume option that you could dream up. Nope, they sewed. Like, with a needle and thread. With their hands. What a foreign concept to me! My favorites? The Statue of Liberty, Athena, a gypsy, a very rotund pumpkin, a butterfly...the list goes on and on.
And guess what? My mom saved them. EVERY SINGLE ONE!

This is Hania in my bunny costume that I wore at 20 months. Circa 1978. So she is a vintage bunny! She is just over a year here, but it fit pretty well.
Droopy little bunny tail, running down a driveway. I realize that I 'm partial, but she's pretty darn cute.

My family brought another bag of goodies with them during their last visit.
My old prom dresses and accessories, circa 1993-1995. But which one to wear? So many fashion mistakes and only one night to relive the glitz, the glamour, the pain and agony of size 7.5 sequin pumps and the feel of itchy beads against your back!
I had to make a little sash that said "Prom Queen" because kids were asking which Disney Princess I was supposed to be. I responded "Princess Gaudy, of course".
Just a few quick observations that this getup brought to my attention:

1. My boobs are shrinking. As in, not-even-the-gigantic-sewn-in-foam-bra-inserts-will-save-you-now shrinking. Wow.

2. Rhinestone earrings this large should come with their own safety disclaimer. The could potentially cause a concussion if they fell on a small child.

3. Spanx are a gift from heaven. And mine weren't even the real deal. I used the ghetto Spanx-knockoff from Target and they rock!!! Too bad you can't wear them with a bikini.

4. These dresses must be made with chastity in mind. Don't let the show of skin fool you. By the time you could get out of this contraption, you'd have time to rethink about bad decisions you were about to make! (:

All joking aside, it was a pretty cute package the first time around. You know, in 1994.
Almost all of the neighbors dressed up, so I was in good company. I can't wait until Hania is old enough to be embarrassed by her parents' Halloween antics!

This is why high school girls shouldn't have babies. Because I don't recommend trying to chase a baby in your prom dress. It may result in flashing of neighbors or a sprained ankle, and that is even BEFORE a glass of wine! I'm just sayin'...

Daddy wasn't about to wear his cool skeleton pirate mask, because it made Hania cry. Like this.


Time to put away the Halloween decor, the fabulous vintage costumes, and the candy. Time to pack up this little Halloween jumper, as it will not fit Hania next year.
Don't worry, sweet girl. There are many more fabulous Halloween memories ahead for you. You are a Byerly girl, and we know how to rock Halloween night each and every year!

Hey! Look at my jugs!

Were you a little scared to continue reading after that title?
Its okay to admit it. Or to laugh.
Because if you know me in real life, it is pretty clear that you'd be lookin' reeeeeal hard for some jugs on this girl! Does anyone actually use that term anymore?
You can blame the husband. His first response after he saw the milk jugs on our front porch? "Babe, how do you think the other women in the neighborhood are going to feel about you showing off your jugs like that?" Gotta give it to him...the dude is funny.

Actually, I just had to post this Halloween craft idea that turned out really well. Something you should know about me: I am... shall we say... thrifty. Not to say that I won't break down and pay full price for things on occasion, but generally it takes me a while to come to terms with spending any amount of money.
So when I found inexpensive craft ideas on a family fun website, I was hooked. I began having visions of Hania and I doing our daily mother-daughter craft (after our scheduled 2 hour nap time, of course!), while snacking on organic apples from a local orchardand listening to music representative of a wide variety of cultures on NPR. Stop snickering. It could happen. Someday. Like after she learns how to hold a crayon.

Anyway... here are our adorable milk jug ghosts, made using everything that we already had in the house.

And a close up of the faces that I drew on. We were going for funny, not scary.

A big thanks to my neighbor, Jen, and my parents for saving their milk jugs!

Here are the instructions:
Wash out milk jugs. Remove labels and determine which side is going to be the front of the face.
On the back side, cut a 2 inch diameter hole on the lower half of the jug using an exacto knife.
Draw a face on the front using permanent marker.
Stuff Christmas lights into the back of each jug.
Plug them in and.... Viola! Halloween decor on the cheap!

I'm so happy with my jugs.

Hania's 1st Birthday weekend

Just a warning: this post is a gazillion pictures, because the mommy in me simply will not allow me to edit them any further!

Hania turned ONE on October 11, 2008 and both sets of grandparents traveled to Louisville to celebrate.

First, we had the neighborhood party on Friday night. The OUTSIDE party, thankyouverymuch. The big hit of the party was the bubble machine that my parents brought. The kids enjoyed running around and playing after they got hyped up on sugar from the mega-size Costco cupcakes. Very informal... no games, no gift opening, no drama. Just a great excuse to hang out and try to thank everyone for their support during her first year in the 'hood!

All of the kids are gathered around our front door (hidden behind the balloons) because they were "hunting" for cats and the dog. Little boys weaponizing balloons and other various party favors.Oh wait, there was minor drama. I went to pick up the balloons that afternoon and wasn't thinking about fitting 17 balloons + a large car seat and baby into the spacious Plymouth Neon. Hania vetoed the idea of riding in the trunk.
Daddy had to make a quick trip to go back and pick them up.
What is it that he says all the time? A failure to plan is planning to fail.
Yep. I agree. But I sure gave the party store employees a laugh.

Hania is getting ready for her first taste of sugar!Smiling at her favorite friend, Miss Julie.

Apparently the chocolate is a big hit!On Saturday we had her family birthday party...

It isn't a real birthday celebration unless you wear a tutu AND sneakers...

She loved the ball pit from Mommy and Daddy...

And MORE cupcakes.
These were not homemade (I used box cake mix and icing) but we spent the afternoon decorating them.
Watch out Martha. Homegirl can decorate a mean cupcake.
This design idea came from the "Hello, Cupcake!" book, which I highly recommend

She thought that vanilla was just as good as chocolate...

Playing with Poohpa Byerly the next day...

Making silly faces with Poohma Byerly...

Hania got a rocking horse from the Byerly grands...
"because every Kentucky girl needs a horse." Holla!

On Sunday we went to the park to show the grands how we swing and slide.
The Schmonsees grands played with her there.

Birthdays are exhausting!
And now we're ready to celebrate Daddy's birthday and Halloween!