Gratitude - Day 5

Just a gratuitous picture of the cutie-pie at the horse races - Keeneland on 4/5.
Today I am grateful for an open window. As in, God opens windows when he seems to be slamming a door. Yep, he is surely slamming that door and unfortunately it is swinging shut so quickly that both my hand AND a random cat got caught in the middle! Ouch.

My first meeting as a board member at Fern Creek Highview United Ministries was exactly the window that I did not realize that I needed.

I was asked to be the volunteer church representative because it was a good fit, given my work experience and interest in local social services. My initial reaction was "oh great, another activity that I'll have to juggle, arrange childcare for, why can't I learn to say no, etc." So off I go to the first meeting and I am NOT in the right frame of mind to work on fundraisers and answer personal questions from all of the other representatives, who are older than me by at least two decades and giving me disapproving looks because I accidentally sat in the chair where the director normally sits! Blasphemy!

Then the agency director walked in and I immediately realized that I knew him from somewhere. Then it hit me - this man was the individual that told me about our current church and the ministries back in summer 2005. I was attending a job fair to represent the foster care agency, in the hopes of recruiting foster parents. No one told me that it was a job fair for teens. So... I wandered around the room to familiarize myself with the local agencies and happened upon Fern Creek Highview Ministries. The director was extremely friendly and warm, and we began talking about our family's decision to find a church that would meet all of our needs - me being Presby-catholic and going to a Catholic college, and my husband being a lifelong Lutheran. He suggested St. Stephen's and I tabled that information for later.

Fast forward to January 2007, when we decided to drop in to St. Stephen's one Sunday morning. We had been ignoring the church, despite the fact that it was the obvious choice based on location and we drove past it at least 3 times per day. The welcoming spirit of the folks there simply drew us in. It is not a pretentious place, and does not have a large number in attendance each week, but everyone there is deeply committed to their faith and they were so very nice. Eventually I put it all together that THIS was the church that the agency director had spoken about, and two years later, here we were.

Fast forward to April 2009 when I feel like everything is falling apart around me, but I'm lead to volunteer exactly where I am supposed to be. The director was thrilled when he heard about the result of our conversation back in 2005, and remembered my story and face. This agency does precisely the type of work that lead me to pursue a career in social services, and it was energizing to see the many people that they assist on a daily basis in this economy.

As we prayed before beginning the meeting, I simply told God "I give it up". I'm giving up control. Giving up trying to change the minds that are not open. I will wait patiently and use this time to grow. Apparently the seeds are planted at the right time, but sometimes they take a while to germinate.

When I woke up this morning there was a very different feeling that came over me. Not the typical dread that I experience as I wake up and realize that this is serious, and damnit I just can't do anything about it, so I need to think harder, make a better plan, I WILL CHANGE IT, and on and on. It was unexplainable. It was peaceful. It blew my mind.

Today, I'm thankful for the ability to give up control to God.