Maxi-mize your shopping experience

Just a little story to make you laugh on a Friday. Let's set the scene:
Our weekend was so busy that I didn't get to the weekly grocery shopping, so we did it on Monday evening after work. Luckily, Hania is an excellent shopper and loves to ride along. She is obsessed with my paper shopping list, so I usually give her an extra piece of paper to play with and all is right with the world.

On this particular day, I had grabbed my favorite huge faux Coach bag that looks cute and summery. It is big enough to double as a diaper bag, and spills won't be a tragedy because it isn't the real deal. Here's an important detail that will play into the story later: I haven't used this purse since I was in the hospital for Hania's birth. I promise, it IS important.

As we stroll through the produce section I hear Hania cackling. Yes, this child cackles, she doesn't laugh. I turn around to find her bouncing and waving at a man that I shall henceforth refer to as "Mr. Mullet". Now Mr. Mullet is rockin' out in true 80's style while selecting his corn on the cob. He has spared no detail in recreating the look of that decade, down to the painted-on acid washed denim and concert t-shirt with the sleeves and collar ripped off. Hey, who am I to judge? Mr. Mullet sees me trying to reach a produce bag, and in gentlemanly fashion he pulls one down for me. Which is nice, but isn't there a rule out there about accepting favors from men with mullets? I think there is. I say thanks, Hania continues to wave at him, and we're on our way again.

Several aisles later, I hear Hania cackling again. Yep, you guessed it. Mr. Mullet is making cutesy baby faces at her, sticking out his tongue, bobbing his head. Hania has this effect on strangers, it seems. She thinks this is a riot. Mr. Mullet smiles winningly at me and winks saying "your little girl likes me". I smile back, but not too big. I'm not trying to encourage Mullet-love. And I'm hoping this isn't a pre-cursor to Hania's future taste in men.

In the dairy section Mr. Mullet appears yet again, and I try to pretend that I don't see Hania performing "so big" by raising her arms in the air. Oh no, he's trying to catch my eye. Hania, please stop engaging Mr. Mullet. See, you already have a da-da at home, and you never know if there is a MRS. Mullet around the corner waiting to kick the butt of any little mullet-magnet who is flirting with her man. Still my head is down, no eye contact, pretending I don't notice.

Then I hear the crinkling of paper. Hania is apparently playing with something in my purse. Still not looking...still not looking...don't encourage him... SPLAT! Something hits the floor. I look over to see that Hania has thrown the object from my purse into the middle of the aisle, and Mr. Mullet is dashing over to pick it up. Oh well, probably just some sticky notes or keys. I look over just in time to see what Mr. Mullet is handing back to me with a smile. It is one of those humongous post-partum maxi pads that the hospital gives you after you give birth! These are the ones that weigh 10 lbs and look like a diaper. Yeah, we're not bringing sexy back with that contraption. Apparently I left one of those bad boys in my purse, and forgot about it because I hadn't used the purse since my hospital stay. Thankfully, Mr. Mullet had no idea what he was handing to me, so I just graciously accepted it and then died laughing.

Hania thought it was a funny joke too. She had on a wicked little smile, similar to this one...